I’ll go first…

I’ve struggled with control.
Not the bossy, steamrolling kind (maybe sometimes).
Mostly the quiet, love-wrapped kind that looks helpful on the surface—but underneath, it's driven by fear.

I held things tightly—too tightly.
My grip was firm, even suffocating at times. But it always came from a good place
(or so I thought):
If I could just manage it all, everyone would be okay. Everything would be fine.

And sometimes… it was fine.
But other times, it wasn’t—and guess who I blamed?
Me. Every time.

I would beat myself up, obsess over how I could’ve done things differently, and spiral into an exhausting loop of doing more, fixing more, controlling more.

When Control Becomes a Security Blanket

What I didn’t realize for a long time was that control wasn’t saving me.
It was weighing me down.

It led to anxious days and sleepless nights.
It set up unrealistic expectations—both for myself and for others.
It kept me stuck in the role of the one who “always has it together,” even when I was falling apart inside.

And here’s the thing... when control is your comfort zone, letting go feels terrifying.

But eventually, I had to face this hard truth:
Control doesn’t guarantee peace.
In fact, most of the time, it robs you of it.

So Where Do We Begin?

We don’t have to throw out the whole system overnight.
Letting go starts with the small stuff.

Let the towels be folded the “wrong” way.

Don’t rewrite the email your coworker already sent, even if it wasn’t how you would’ve said it.

Let your partner load the car, even if it’s not the most “logical” way—it still gets done.

It sounds silly and maybe even a little scary, but trust me:
Each small release is like loosening one finger from a tight grip.

At first, it’s going to feel awkward. Maybe even wrong.
But over time, that pressure in your chest will ease.
Your shoulders will relax.
And one day, you’ll walk past a mess or a misstep and not feel the need to fix it—
Because you’ll be experiencing a freedom you didn’t even know was possible.

Warning: Growth Can Get Uncomfortable

If this resonates, you probably also trained the people around you to expect perfection.
To rely on you.
To know that you’ll handle it because you always do.

So when you start letting go—things will shift.

You might start saying no.
You might start doing less.
You might start asking, “What’s best for me?”

And people may not like that.

Some will pull back when they can no longer control you.
Some won’t know how to handle the boundaries you’re now setting.
And you’ll feel guilty. You’ll question if you're being selfish.
But let me remind you with love:
None of that is bad. It’s just unfamiliar.

Your Peace Is Worth the Discomfort

Letting go of control won’t make life perfect.
But it will make you lighter.
It will bring you closer to your authentic self.
And it will show others that peace doesn’t come from perfection—it comes from permission.

Permission to breathe.
To grow.
To rest.
To just… be.

Journal Prompt……

Where am I gripping too tightly, what is one small step I can take today to help loosen the grip?

Let’s Walk Together in Faith & Friendship

If you’re craving connection with other women on a similar path, I invite you to join our private Fearless Friends Community Group Facebook group. It’s a safe space where we share encouragement, stories, resources, and reminders that we are never alone on this journey.

Fearless Friends FB Group

Resources

Loosening the Grip: Learning to Let Go of Control